My son is adopted. He will grow up knowing that, it's just a part of who he is. Some adoptive mothers are able to breastfeed. My husband and I discussed it and decided against it. There were some pros to trying, but in the end we'd still have to supplement with formula so why not remove one source of possible stress?
If you've ever read a parenting magazine or seen an advertisement for formula, you have seen or heard that nursing is the best thing for the baby.
Can I tell you every time I hear that I get so angry I wish there was a spider nearby so I could kill it?! I just want to yell at the magazine, "My son is adopted! I didn't have a choice!" But I guess I did have a choice, so I have this overwhelming sense of guilt in trying to justify why we didn't nurse our son.
Ugh.
The truth is, a lot of women can't or chose not to nurse for many reasons. It's too painful, the baby is unable to latch on for different reasons, I can't nurse because I work, etc. Does that make them bad mothers?
Heck. No.
If my son were my biological child, we would have nursed him - or at least tried. End of story. But it just so happened that life took turns that we didn't expect and we formula fed our baby. Am I a bad mother? See previous answer. And I seriously doubt his teachers are going to write on his report card, "You formula fed, didn't you?"
So what is the point of this post? Just to spread a little bit of awareness.
If you are one of the many women who can't or doesn't breast feed her child, don't you dare feel guilty. Formula, especially nowadays, is jam packed with nutrients, vitamins and minerals essential to a child's health and well being. They even promote proper eye, brain and heart growth for goodness sake! Babies digest formula slower, which means they are fuller longer (yay for sleeping through the night!!). And even dad can get in on the bonding action. You'll fork over money for bottles and spend more time at the sink. And, unfortunately, you pay a premium for your baby's health. Never, ever, ever be afraid to ask for formula from your pediatricians office. My doc told me that sometimes the formula samples (which they get for free, by the way) expire before they can give it to patients, so they have to throw it away! So pipe up and don't be afraid to ask. In my experience, they're generous, so bring a plastic sack with you to your appointment. Just in case.
If you are one of the many women who can nurse with no problems or hesitations, congratulations! You just saved hundreds of dollars on formula and bottles, plus countless hours washing, drying, and putting away bottles (and I say that with not even a hint of sarcasm. I really, really mean it!). Not to mention having to cart bottles on vacations and pack formula, a bottle brush and soap. You also have that time and ability to bond with your baby in a very intimate sense. Your child is getting your antibodies and is hopefully building a healthy immune system all thanks to mom. Don't forget that breast fed babies need an extra boost of Vitamin D.
All moms are different. All babies are different. We don't judge each other because that just makes our job a million times harder.
4 comments:
AMEN! I've known several who aren't able to nurse their babies, which still grow up to be amazing human beings.
Having nursed one child already, I sometimes wish that his dad would be able to have that bonding experience (and sometimes just feed the poor little guy so I could get some rest), but I wouldn't trade the bonding that did take place during those wonderful moments. I'm a little jealous of those moms who bottle feed because both parents can get in on the bonding.
I get upset that some people are so condescending towards those who can't or choose not to nurse. Seriously?!?! If your child is happy, growing, developing, THAT'S what's important. I could only nurse B for 6 months; low milk-supply, reflux, and numerous other issues made it NOT POSSIBLE. I nursed C until she was almost 14 months old. They are both healthy. Happy. Growing. Smart. Heck, my breastfed-the-longest child is the one that GOT eczema and allergies....
Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, the nursing vs. formula question affects (in general) the FIRST year of your child's life. One year. Don't let it stress you out or cause guilt.
With J, I was a first-time-mom, and My mom and older sister never nursed, so it wasn't something 'normal' per say, in our family. I did try. 1 side didn't produce. So...that lasted about a month of doing both, and finally we just bottle-fed, and he was perfectly healthy, not to mention super fat really fast! With B, I was determined to at least try really hard, and he didn't latch, needed his frenum clipped (tongue-tied), and he was a BITER. It was awful. After being given the pump from the hospital, I had enough when all I was pumping out was blood, sorry for this, but it's true. Some of us just aren't built for breastfeeding. I know IF I have a 3rd, I will just go strait to the bottle. There is no point is bawling and hurting and trying so hard, when I"m just not meant to breastfeed!
I'm with Mindi. IF I have another baby, I would go straight to the bottle. After the disaster with my first one (I nursed her for 13 months and hated every minute of it), and the repeat disaster with my second (I nursed her for 1 day in the hospital before I was a blistered, bloody mess) I have come to the conclusion that some people just aren't meant to be breastfeeders.
I put my second baby on the bottle as soon as I realized that nursing wasn't working, and I haven't felt guilty about it for one second. Every time I sit down to feed her, I think about how beautiful she is and how much I love her. Then I think about how glad I am that breastfeeding didn't hinder our mommy-baby bond.
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