I, for one, hate being told what to do! I just hate that someone thinks they have the right to tell me what to do and me follow, I feel it takes away my agency, my right at choices. You always have a choice and how frustrating is it when someone assumes they can make that choice for you by telling you exactly what to do. If I feel this way, imagine how a child who is growing and learning and desperately trying to figure out who they are must feel when every decision is made for them?
So I vowed that when I became a mother I would do the same thing. Give my children choices...sometimes I'm sure they don't like the choices (ex: you can stop throwing a fit and go clean your room now or you can stand in the corner and then go clean your room (either way the room is getting cleaned...but its still a choice)) or it could be one they like (pudding or Popsicle). Now as parents we do have to make choices for them (Planning dinner, where they live, ect) but the little things, especially when it comes to their ideas, attitudes and emotions can be put into choice form.
It allows them to express themselves, to realize they always have a choice and to help in the decision making as well as helps us teach them to recognise the good and true choices. So hopefully when they are growing up they can say to themselves - I have a choice and I'm going to make the right one.
4 comments:
I think this is probably a one of the best ways to difuse a situation. I use it a lot when I babysit, considering S can't even walk let alone understand choices. At this point in his life, his choice is what mom wants. :)
I love the way you expressed this and I'm a believer in this too. Whether I always do it is another thing. But Ryan and I have been making a conscious effort lately to give Kaleb choices instead of threatening. :)
We got the idea from Parenting With Love and Logic. I love the way they express it: When you give kids choices about the little things, they feel like they're in control of their lives and it teaches them how to make good choices since life is FULL of choices. And if they're making all the little choices, they don't mind so much when you make important ones for them.
I most definitely agree with this method of parenting. Giving your kids little choices now will prepare them to make the bigger ones when it really counts.
By the way, this method also works on husbands. "Sweetie, do you want to take out the trash or change the baby's diaper?"
Works like a charm:)
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