Breastfeeding Whatnots and Wherefores

Most people (at least most that I know) aren't all that comfortable talking about their boobs, so it comes as no surprise that people don't like talking about what comes out of their boobs either. I'm going to be fairly candid in this post. Please don't take offense or anything like that. I'm just sharing what would have been nice to know before some of this happened.

When I had J (almost 3 years ago now) I had no idea what to do to get the little guy to breastfeed. I mean, I'd seen my sisters with their numerous kids feeding their babies and had even talked with them (much more than I was comfortable with) about stuff that happens to your boobs. But until you go through the process for yourself and your baby, it's still something akin to rocket science.

I managed to keep the little guy alive, thank goodness, and to feel fairly comfortable with my breastfeeding abilities. He was a great nurser and just loved to eat.

N, on the other hand, likes to - shall we say - "play" with his food. He is so very observant of the world around him, and likes to look EVERYWHERE. He also hates to stop eating or let go as he does so. Who knew a boob could stretch in so many different ways? Not me! I know, I know. Cover him with a nursing corner/blanket and sit in a dark quiet room. But that's not always readily available when you have multiple children.

Another thing I've learned this time around (here's another candid moment) is that ducts get clogged and that stuff builds up in the nipple at times. I had clogged ducts with J, and so I knew basically how to ease the pain and help them unclog. Hot showers and the like. But I'd never, NEVER seen or heard of stuff building up in the nipple.

Things got so painful that it would feel like knives stabbing me whenever N would eat off that side, tears streaking down my face and all that good stuff. I finally had enough of it and squeezed (yes it was extremely painful) until I got the stuff out. Then, as per one of my sisters' advice, I let N latch on to that side with his tongue on the side of the nipple where the stuff had been. Apparently the suction is greater on the tongue side of a baby's mouth.

I share this, not so you'll gross out, but so that if you ever experience something like that, you'll know you're not a freak (I'm assuming that I'm not one) and that you'll know that there is a remedy for it, painful though it may be.

I'm sure there are other "gems" of info on the subject that could be shared, but that's all I'll put you through at the moment.

Help needed for Bath Time Woes

I recieved this plea for help quite a while ago, but I did not get it until recently. My deepest apologies Annie!

Here is her dilemma:

I have a 2 year old who loves taking baths...up until we wash her hair! We have tried every trick in the book to make this easier: having her lay back with her head tilited back, having a cloth over her eyes, she refuses to close her eyes! It is a battle to the death (almost) each time She SCREAMS super loud, yelling things like "STOP! IT HURTS!" I'm expecting the neighbors to call CPS any second. We try and sooth her, tell her it's just water! We wipe her eyes constantly, we use tear free shampoo...give her rewards...

As her mom and the main bather to her I'm pretty much at wits end with the SCREECHING and death cries! Do any of you moms have some advice on how to make hair washing less painful for both of us?!

Thanks
Annie

Developing Imagination

My almost 3 year old (can he really be that old already?) has quite the imagination. It makes me laugh out loud quite often. Like it did today when he picked up a plastic Easter egg, opened it, held it up to his chest and said, "Look, Mommy! I got boobs!" Yes, he's my son. No, he didn't get that from me. :)

Imagination is something I think a lot of kids today are without because they sit in front of the TV or video games and are endlessly entertained, leaving imagination unneeded.

Reading is a great solution to that. My sis-in-law uses making up stories with her kids as an imagination development tool. I love both of those things.

What are some things you have done/do/plan to do to promote the use of imagination in your children?

Sleepless in Nevada

This is my cry for help!

Our 4 year old daughter has never slept through the night. Sure, there's been small periods of time (mostly when she was tiny) that she would sleep great. But the last, oh, year, has been a nightmare. She will fight us to go to bed. Screaming, crying, yelling, etc. She usually falls asleep, but only after making a hundred demands. ("I want COLDER water! With ICE in it!") We try not to give in to these demands...but we have an almost 2 year old who is already asleep at this point. Daughter #2 is the most incredible little sleeper. She has slept through the night since she was brand new...

Anyway, big sister finally falls asleep and just a few short hours later, she is in our room crying and making demands again. She was up from 12-1 last night. My husband works at 5 in the morning, so fun for him. Does anyone have any advice? We have tried literally everything we can think of. She has a sleeping bag on our floor because I won't let her sleep in our bed anymore. I can only imagine what it will be like when she starts preschool with no sleep at night...:(

Thank you!

Sincerely,
Sleepless in Nevada

A "Mommy" shopping site...NOT to buy from

Let me share with you an experience I just had with a pretty well-known shopping site catering to mom's: Totsy dot com.

At the beginning of March, I received an email from Totsy providing me with a $15 credit to use towards any purchase.  I thought, "Hey!  Awesome!" and went to their site to check out the merchandise.  I found a toy that both of kids would like for a great deal - $3.85 for each toy (and they usually run for $8-$10).  Having the $15 credit, I ordered 4 of them, and only paid for shipping.  Not a bad deal.

That was March 5.

When I had finished ordering the toys, the confirmation page came up and it had written on it: "estimated shipping date: April 1."  I was a bit shocked at the SUPER late shipping date (really? one month after I order?), but I knew that this site took the orders on their site, then when the sale was done (the special prices last about 4 days each), they placed orders with the vendors of the product.  So, a month?  I could wait.  Easter was nearly 2 months away.

On April 1 (the estimated shipping date, remember?) I received this email:

"We are experiencing a delay due to the increased volume in demand for orders intended to ship from our warehouse at this time.  We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Our warehouse is working quickly to get your shipments out within the next 5-7 business days."

Seriously?!  Yeah, so...another week wait.

On April 10, I wrote to the customer service email asking about my order.  Two days later, still no reply, so I wrote ANOTHER email to the customer service people.  I received a response today (April 13):

"Thank you for contacting us.  You will be pleased to know that your order has just been released to UPS.   Unfortunately, there are two items that are unavailable, which is the sheep and unicorn.  I will submit a refund back to the payment method you supplied for these two items.  My apologies for any inconvenience."

Can I please emphasize two points of this email that bugged the heck out of me?

1) "your order has just been RELEASED".  To me, this makes it seem as if my order has just been sitting around (for a month and a half, mind you), waiting for me to ASK THEM to send it to me.

2) HALF of my order will not arrive?  Yeah, that's an inconvenience, seeing as the half you're not sending are the two toys for my daughter.  Ridiculous.

Later today, I received THIS email:

"Unfortunately, items Sheep , Zebra  and Unicorn  from 
the Lubies event, is unavailable for shipment due to a shortage of inventory from our vendor.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?  (See how cute the toys are?  Yeah, not happy they're not 

coming.)

So, only 1/4 of my order is coming.  And Totsy is blaming the vendor for a shortage.  This

 bugs me because, according to the way the Totsy places orders, there shouldn't BE any shortages, 

since orders to the vendors are placed AFTER they are placed on Totsy.

Needless to say, I'm less than impressed with my experience.  If you google "Totsy" the reviews

 are, in the majority, negative.  Seems my experience is the norm.

So: I DON'T recommend this site. At all. Not worth it.

Vitamins

My son loves vitamins. And I can see why. They look and taste like fruit snacks! They have come such a long way with vitamins. Back in the day, vitamins were to children like vitamins are to adults: something you have to swallow through (literally). Then they came out with the chewy kind (loved those as a kid) and now they're gummies!

Our favorite:
(And yes, you may have noticed that behind my son's vitamin bottle is a box of Girl Scout thin mints. He may think vitamins are a treat, but I know the truth.)

I seriously find myself acting like these are a treat because to my son, they are. So when he asks for a vitamin, I say, "Not until you finish eating your corn dog." Yeah it might seem like I have my priorities mixed up, but my son is lacking in the protein department and will use vitamins as an incentive to eat some types of protein (he still absolutely hates chicken... unless it's chicken nuggets). It makes me just want to hug that vitamin bottle. Okay, not really.

What about your kids? What kind of vitamins do they like?

What is the best: Part 2: To bring or not to bring?

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Our contributors are as well, and so are most of our readers. But not all.

So, if you are not of our faith, here's a quick lesson on our Sunday procedure. We attend three hours of church every Sunday. Our first hour is a meeting with the entire congregation. The second hour is broken into Sunday School classes (one for adults, one for teens, and a whole slew of classes for kids depending on their ages). The third hour is broken down again for teens and adults. Women go to one class, men to another. Teenage girls (12 - 18) attend one class, while teenage boys attend another. The children are still in the same class.

A child enters his/her first "class" at the tender age of 18 months. By this point they have social skills (if somewhat lacking), are able to understand and follow basic commands, and they have attention spans. Sort of. And yes, they still learn about Jesus at this age.

Husband and I had years and years to sit in Sacrament meeting (the first meeting with the congregation) and watch all the little families around us, and see how they get their kids to behave. AKA, be quiet. Some brought lots and lots of treats. Some brought toys of all shapes and sizes. Some brought a book or two. Some brought nothing.

It seems to me like the nothing category seems to be the option that keeps a child the most reverent. However! That's not always the case.

With us, S has to have at least a mild distraction. We bring a snack, a few books and usually a stuffed animal. I know that sounds like a lot, but it's really not. We've tried to bring toys, but he gets rowdy and we're distracted. But he's so young that if we had nothing, he'd get bored...and then he'd get naughty and loud and embarrassing. And not to mention we had to have enough to "entertain" him through three hours of classes because he wasn't old enough to go to Nursery (the children's class for babies.)

When I was a kid, my parents didn't bring anything. We just sat in the very front row and had to sit quietly. Occasionally we could have a pen and paper and write notes to each other, but not often.
Some families can bring lots of toys and coloring books and games, and their kids will sit quietly and play. Or they will feel like it's play time at home and they get loud.

Here's my question: What works best for your child or children? Did you have to change things once you had two or more kids?

Just curious.

Your Average Day

I've been thinking about the last post for almost the last month. With a new baby in the house, a lot of things have changed - especially my schedule (note that it's almost 1 a.m. as I'm writing this).

Not only has my schedule been thrown off kilter, but so has my toddler's. Before N was born, we had a fairly good routine down for dinner and bedtime. Now, he does everything he can to stay up longer and longer and longer. I'd like to ask another question of all you moms out there because you are full of great advice that you definitely can't get in parenting books because your experiences are your own and most of you haven't published...at least not that type of book. (Wink at Deborah, since she's having her book published later this month!)

My question is what is your schedule like on an average day? I'm trying to fit everything back into my life that fit before, and it's like I'm doing a puzzle with too many pieces. I know it'll take time for me to see how everything can fit, or at least pare it down, but I'd really like to know how you other moms do things.

So, what does your average day look like?

When Do You Shower?

This is a question that I have been asked repeatedly by new mothers.  Especially by new mothers of two.  Why do they ask me when I shower?  It's because I look so amazing every day.  I straighten my hair, brush my teeth, and apply makeup every single day.  It doesn't matter if it's raining or shining outside, the makeup is going on and the hair is getting done.  So, when do I shower?

At night. 

I shower at night.  There are many reasons why I do this, but the main one is that I simply cannot bring myself to get out of bed at 5:00am just to shower.  If I didn't shower at night, I wouldn't shower at all, and nobody wants that to happen.  So I am left with the evening hours after my kids are asleep.  I shower when I am getting ready for bed.  My hair is dry when I wake up, and it only takes a few minutes to toss on some clothes, slap on some makeup, and yank a straight iron through my hair.  Presto!  I'm ready in twenty minutes flat.  I look good enough to go to the store, to playgroup, on a lunch date with my hubby, or to just sit at home and wait for the mail to come. 

So my question for all of you ladies is:  When do you shower?

Calming Reflex

We've all seen doctors checking knee reflexes, right? In order to do it correctly, they have to find just the right spot on your knee to tap with that little mallet they use before your leg will kick involuntarily because it's a reflex.

Did you know that babies have a calming reflex? I didn't until I took some of our readers' advice and read a book called "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Can I just say that this book has been a life saver for me? Let me tell you about this calming reflex that Dr. Karp has written his book about. AMAZING!

He says that after babies are born, they miss the comforting feelings they had while in the womb. He's found a few things that help to recreate that feeling. Each of these things triggers your baby's calming reflex as he's called it. And, if done in the correct order, these things will almost instantly calm your baby down. Seriously, it happens within a minute or two at most.

What are these things that trigger this awesome reflex? Dr. Karp calls them the 5 S's. Here they come:

1. Tight Swaddling: You need to make sure that baby's arms are wrapped tightly to his/her sides. Babies didn't have much room inside the womb, and they're not used to having all this space around them. It's scary being in a new place, right? (To see how Dr. Karp suggests you swaddle your baby, check out the book or his dvd at your local library)
   
2. After swaddling, turn baby onto his/her Side/Stomach as you hold him/her. I've seen babies that consider leaning even a fraction of an inch to their back a "very bad thing" and remain inconsolable. But when tilted toward their stomach, they calm right down. Why? I'm not sure, but it seems to work, so I go with what Dr. Karp says on this one.
3. Swinging comes next. They don't call them "Bouncing Babies" for nothing. You can either bounce your baby from side to side or do what I do. I sit down and put my baby on my legs (head by my knees) and rock my knees back and forth. It takes minimal effort and can be done even when you're bleary eyed at 2 a.m.
   
4. If swaddling, side/stomach and swinging aren't enough to calm your baby, try giving them something to Suck on. Sucking naturally calms a baby, and when combined with the first three S's, it REALLY calms them down.
5. The final S is Shushing. Dr. Karp says to shush as loud as the baby is crying. In his book he says that babies are used to a constant white noise that is at about the same level in volume as a vacuum cleaner. Other ways to provide this white noise could include turning a radio to static, or getting a hair dryer, turning it on the low setting and leaving it about 3-6 feet from baby. Or, you can always turn on a vacuum in the same room as baby. All of these can help with making your baby feel "at home" again.

Some babies only need one or two of these S's, and some need them all. Some, when they're really upset, need them all in a very big way. My newest baby, N, is one of those babies. I'm glad to say that once I figured out how to trigger his calming reflex, we were so much happier together. :) I can even get more sleep at night. Instead of an hour at a time at most, I'm now getting 2-4 hours at a time. YAY!

I've also found that N gets overstimulated fairly quickly. If I pay close enough attention, I can catch it before he gets to his "inconsolable" stage where he needs all 5 S's. If I do catch it, just swaddling and sucking (sometimes swaying) are all he needs.

Good luck to all you new mommies out there! Hope this helps you as much as it has helped me!

Free books.

If you have a child from newborn to 5 years old, you are potentially eligible to receive free books.

How?

There is this neat little program called Dolly Parton's Imagination Library. It's a program sponsored by your local school district or a local businesses in which your registered child receives a free book every month until they are 5 years old.

Yes, a free book every month until they are 5. You can't beat that! Some of the books are amazing, and some are a little less awesome. It doesn't matter though because you can just take those less awesome books and donate them to charity.

How do you enroll? There are a few ways to do this. First check out the website here and click on your country. Then I usually just click on 1st time visitors. From there you can check and see if the program is available in your area. (You can also click on the "About Us" train car, then click on affiliates and see a list of participating cities/communities.)

If it is, you can go into your local school district office, ask to enroll in the Dolly Parton book club (they'll know what you're talking about) and fill out their little form.

It also appears you can do it from the Imagination Library website. This option wasn't available when I enrolled S, so I don't know how well it works.

If the program is not available in your area, you can try to get it in your community. The first place to start is with your school district. They may not even be aware of the program. After that I'm not sure exactly what needs to be done. I've looked into it a little on the IL website, but I think it will take work from the parents. Get some other interested moms on your side and see what you can do.

You know you're a mom when...

... you turn at every "Mom" that you hear.
... snot and poop doesn't gross you out anymore.
... you don't hesitate to kill a poisonous spider with your bare hand in order to save your child.
.... your child's silence tips you off right away that they're doing something bad.
... you're better at talking to three-year-olds than thirty-year-olds.
... you can't remember what day it is, but you know, down to the minute, when your baby last ate.
... your purse/bag contains more items for your child than for you.
... your child's bodily functions becomes a normal conversation topic.
... you're starving at 3 p.m. and realize you've haven't eaten all day because you were too busy feeding everyone else.
... you know your way around the kids' section at every store better than you do the women's section.
... you start saying things like "bless your heart."
... you cry at animated movies, like Tarzan when his parents and the baby gorilla die.
... you get four hours of sleep and think that's a good thing.
... you start speaking in bad grammar because your child does.
... you look at other kids screaming in the store and think, "Oh man, I've been there."

What are some of your "You know you're a mom when" thoughts?

The Invisible Mom

I got this in an email from a friend-on a day that I REALLY needed it. I hope it gives you a boost as well!

The Invisible Mom

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,
the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone
and ask to be taken to the store. In side I'm thinking, 'Can't you see
I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone,
or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the
corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; “The Invisible Mom.”

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer,
'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around
5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude
- but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be
seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of
a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous
trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was
sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.
It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down
at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was
clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid
I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty
pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a
beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a
book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why
she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte ,
with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one
sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after
which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the gr eat
cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave
their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made
great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building
was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a
tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,
'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that
will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman
replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I
see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you
does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no
cupcake you've baked, i s too small for me to notice and smile over.
You are building a gre at cathedral, but you can't see right now what
it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my
own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn
pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great
builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will
never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be
on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals
could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people
willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend
he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4
in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a
turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That
would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself . I just want
him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say
to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if
we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world
will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that
has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!

Potty Training Help, Please!

I am currently trying to potty train my 3-year-old boy (I know, late to the game, but he's had medical issues that made potty training take a back seat.)

Anyway, he recognizes when he has to poop, but he doesn't recognize when he needs to pee.  I have no idea how to help him know when he needs to pee; every time he has an accident and wets himself, he acts like it took him by surprise.  I asked him if he felt that he needed to pee, or if it just happened, and he replied that it just happened. 

How can I help him recognize the signs that he needs to pee?  Any potty training suggestions (for a boy, specifically) would be great!

Thanks in advance for any help!

Colicky Babies

Disclaimer: Sorry if this post seems a little jumbled. My head is that way for reasons explained in the post. :)

It seems a little crazy to me that something so cute and sweet as this:
could make you experience so many conflicting emotions. Joy, love, and awe are accompanied by frustration and sometimes depression.

Baby N has been here for a month now. I can't believe that it's already been a month, but on the other hand, I can't believe it's only been a month. It seems like he's been with our family for much, much longer. In that "postpartum" month, I've experienced all of the emotions listed above among several others. I've probably cried more in desperation with Baby N than I did for J when I had him. Why? Because Baby N has colic. 'Nuff said.

Ok, maybe not 'nuff said. He started out like pretty much any other cute little newborn baby. About 2 weeks after his birth, he started getting MUCH more fussy. Kids tend to do that anyway. But this wasn't the "normal" fussy. This didn't end with the soothing mommy or daddy gave. It kept going on and on.

Along with the fussiness, you could hear, actually hear BIG gas bubbles rumbling around in his poor little tummy, but no amount of us trying to burp him helped. Not even Mylecon (or however you spell that) drops worked very well for him. I know there's a direct correlation between the food you eat and how gassy you and your baby are (if you're nursing) and I try to avoid gassy foods at all costs.

As you would rightfully assume, having a very gassy/colicky baby leads to little or no sleep for mommy and daddy. That's what we've had here for about 2 and a half weeks. We've gone to the doctor and she suggested that since I was lactose intolerant during pregnancy (not before...just during) that he might be not only lactose intolerant, but dairy intolerant. She suggested taking dairy out of my diet entirely for 3-5 days, then to slowly introduce it back in. She said to start with yogurt first as it's the mildest form of dairy.

I also heard that there are pediatric chiropractors out there who have colic treatments/adjustments. Who knew?! I did a Google search to find one in my area and took Baby N to see her.

We've been off dairy for a week. I decided to give it 7 days instead of just 3-5. And we've also had 3 visits to the chiropractor. The adjustments have helped a bit. I haven't noticed much difference in fussiness with yogurt being introduced back into my diet.

So now, I have a couple questions for you:

1. What are some other things you know of that help with colicky, gassy babies?
2. What's the difference between postpartum depression and baby blues? (As you might imagine, with little to no sleep, I'm getting to be a little down. I know there's a direct relation to the amount of sleep I get and how down I feel. I'd still like to know what you think is the difference between the two, if there's any difference at all.)