Don't Carpe Diem

I was at play group the other day, dreading the fact that in four hours I was going to be hauling a screaming little boy out of a pool after swimming lessons. All those moms were going to stare at me and pity me. All those well behaved kids were going to watch Seth and thank their lucky stars they didn't share their juice boxes with him. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) Why can't he just be grateful I'm doing something fun with him? Why can't he just know I'm trying to be a good mom?! I didn't want to do those fun mom things if he was going to act like this. I was totally, completely and utterly mortified by my son's behavior. And it made me feel kinda guilty.

Then one of the other moms mentioned an article. I looked it up and decided all good moms need to hear this. So here it is. I got the original article here.

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."

At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."
That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?

That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"

My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."

Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.

***

Amen, sister. Amen.

Thanks Bethany for telling me about this article. It's probably just changed the way I view myself as a mother.

5 Words Babies Say

My little sister sent this link to me. I thought, "Wow! That's amazing! Where was this information when my boys were that small?!"

So for those of you with infants from 0-3 months, here you go!

When to Say When?

I'm having a dilemma...again. :) This last week I've been away at a state training for teachers. I had to leave my boys in the care of my amazingly wonderful mom (who did a great job of caring for them).

All week I missed my babies and just wanted to be home. Because I'm nursing, I brought along my trusty pump and used it every chance I got. I wanted to make sure my milk didn't run out, which it seems to be heading that way anyway.

So, last night when I got home, I took N in to nurse him, cause I was sure ready to relieve some pressure. He wouldn't nurse. He fought it and cried. He would only take a bottle. Part of me doesn't really know how to feel at being trumped by a bottle. This morning, he still prefers the bottle over me.

N is 6 1/2 months old, which is how old J was when my milk ran out and we had to feed him other things instead of my milk. My milk is starting to look blue (a sign that your milk is drying up/going away/biting the dust/etc.) and I've been wondering how long it'll last this time.

Bottom line of my dilemma: Do I stop nursing and feed him the breast milk that I have frozen? Do I try to "force" him to nurse? Am I a bad mom for even considering stopping?

Binkies - When do you take them away?

I've never had to deal with this issue before. J never took a binky...that is until he saw N sucking like mad on one. Then we'd find him trying to sneak the binkies from N, usually when J was having a bad or extremely emotional day. He knows he doesn't need one.

But N is most definitely a BINKY BABY! And it's not just any binky that he wants. It's this one:


My sister got him one of these babies. It's called a Wubbanub. They have several other kinds of them with various colors of binkies attached.

N cannot live without this monkey binky. An example of this happened just today. He was crying and acting hungry, so I tried to nurse him. He latched on for a second, then started wailing at maximum volume. I put in his binky and let him hug the monkey and he quieted right down and fell asleep. I'm being passed up for a monkey!

Anyway, because he's so attached to this monkey binky, I'm a little worried about what will happen when we "get" to take it away and be done with the whole binky thing.

When do you usually take away a binky? (I've heard of some experts who say to take it away at 6 months or so, so they don't have cognitive memories of having it.) How have you done it so you have success (and little whining/crying/fighting)?

Baby Food

Baby food is insanely expensive! We bought all of the baby food we fed to J when he was eating the stuff. With N, I've decided to take a different approach. I'm trying my hand at making the food.

I had my reservations about doing this, because I thought it'd be hard to do, time consuming and messy. My sister bought a Baby Bullet, and it came with an extra one, so I split the cost with her and now we both have a Baby Bullet set. Way cute and way easy to use.

It came with a recipe book that not only has recipes in it, but it's organized by what foods you should start during what months, etc. I LOVE it! It's made baby food making really easy.

But I have to say that if I'd thought about it, I could have gotten away with doing the same thing in my regular blender. It just wouldn't have the nifty serving/refrigerating cups, the freezer cups and the flat blade...maybe your blenders came with one of those, but mine doesn't have one, so I'm assuming they don't.

What have I noticed about making my own baby food? I know exactly what goes into my baby's mouth. I can make and store a week's worth of food in less than 30 minutes. It costs WAY less than store bought baby food. It tastes better than the nasty stuff you buy. And I think it's just easier.

How do I make it?

Well, with soft things, like avocados, you just blend one up with 1/4 cup of water (more or less if you want it runnier or thicker) and there you have baby avocado food.

With harder things, like sweet potatoes, you boil, microwave or bake them, however you'd like to cook them, then you put them in the blender with about 1/4 cup of water. Very, very easy.

These things keep in the fridge for about 3 days, and in the freezer for about 3 weeks as per the instructions in the Baby Bullet cookbook. An easy way to freeze them is to put the puree into an ice cube tray. Then, when it's frozen, you take them out of the tray and put them into a freezer safe bag, label it and then just toss it back into the freezer. Simple as that. Depending on the size of your cubes, you'll usually have 1-1 1/2 of those as a serving size.

You can even make your own rice, oatmeal, millet cereal.

For cereals, grind 1/2 cup of brown rice, oatmeal or millet into a fine powder. Put it in a pot with 4 cups of water; cover until it boils. Turn down the heat to low and cook with the cover on for 20 minutes. Test the consistency of the cereal. If you want it thinner, add more water. This mixes well with fruit purees and, later on, with chicken or beef dinners.

I've tried both homemade foods and store bought foods with N. He definitely prefers the homemade.

For more recipes, go here.

Help needed for Bath Time Woes

I recieved this plea for help quite a while ago, but I did not get it until recently. My deepest apologies Annie!

Here is her dilemma:

I have a 2 year old who loves taking baths...up until we wash her hair! We have tried every trick in the book to make this easier: having her lay back with her head tilited back, having a cloth over her eyes, she refuses to close her eyes! It is a battle to the death (almost) each time She SCREAMS super loud, yelling things like "STOP! IT HURTS!" I'm expecting the neighbors to call CPS any second. We try and sooth her, tell her it's just water! We wipe her eyes constantly, we use tear free shampoo...give her rewards...

As her mom and the main bather to her I'm pretty much at wits end with the SCREECHING and death cries! Do any of you moms have some advice on how to make hair washing less painful for both of us?!

Thanks
Annie

Developing Imagination

My almost 3 year old (can he really be that old already?) has quite the imagination. It makes me laugh out loud quite often. Like it did today when he picked up a plastic Easter egg, opened it, held it up to his chest and said, "Look, Mommy! I got boobs!" Yes, he's my son. No, he didn't get that from me. :)

Imagination is something I think a lot of kids today are without because they sit in front of the TV or video games and are endlessly entertained, leaving imagination unneeded.

Reading is a great solution to that. My sis-in-law uses making up stories with her kids as an imagination development tool. I love both of those things.

What are some things you have done/do/plan to do to promote the use of imagination in your children?

Vitamins

My son loves vitamins. And I can see why. They look and taste like fruit snacks! They have come such a long way with vitamins. Back in the day, vitamins were to children like vitamins are to adults: something you have to swallow through (literally). Then they came out with the chewy kind (loved those as a kid) and now they're gummies!

Our favorite:
(And yes, you may have noticed that behind my son's vitamin bottle is a box of Girl Scout thin mints. He may think vitamins are a treat, but I know the truth.)

I seriously find myself acting like these are a treat because to my son, they are. So when he asks for a vitamin, I say, "Not until you finish eating your corn dog." Yeah it might seem like I have my priorities mixed up, but my son is lacking in the protein department and will use vitamins as an incentive to eat some types of protein (he still absolutely hates chicken... unless it's chicken nuggets). It makes me just want to hug that vitamin bottle. Okay, not really.

What about your kids? What kind of vitamins do they like?

Your Average Day

I've been thinking about the last post for almost the last month. With a new baby in the house, a lot of things have changed - especially my schedule (note that it's almost 1 a.m. as I'm writing this).

Not only has my schedule been thrown off kilter, but so has my toddler's. Before N was born, we had a fairly good routine down for dinner and bedtime. Now, he does everything he can to stay up longer and longer and longer. I'd like to ask another question of all you moms out there because you are full of great advice that you definitely can't get in parenting books because your experiences are your own and most of you haven't published...at least not that type of book. (Wink at Deborah, since she's having her book published later this month!)

My question is what is your schedule like on an average day? I'm trying to fit everything back into my life that fit before, and it's like I'm doing a puzzle with too many pieces. I know it'll take time for me to see how everything can fit, or at least pare it down, but I'd really like to know how you other moms do things.

So, what does your average day look like?

Calming Reflex

We've all seen doctors checking knee reflexes, right? In order to do it correctly, they have to find just the right spot on your knee to tap with that little mallet they use before your leg will kick involuntarily because it's a reflex.

Did you know that babies have a calming reflex? I didn't until I took some of our readers' advice and read a book called "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Can I just say that this book has been a life saver for me? Let me tell you about this calming reflex that Dr. Karp has written his book about. AMAZING!

He says that after babies are born, they miss the comforting feelings they had while in the womb. He's found a few things that help to recreate that feeling. Each of these things triggers your baby's calming reflex as he's called it. And, if done in the correct order, these things will almost instantly calm your baby down. Seriously, it happens within a minute or two at most.

What are these things that trigger this awesome reflex? Dr. Karp calls them the 5 S's. Here they come:

1. Tight Swaddling: You need to make sure that baby's arms are wrapped tightly to his/her sides. Babies didn't have much room inside the womb, and they're not used to having all this space around them. It's scary being in a new place, right? (To see how Dr. Karp suggests you swaddle your baby, check out the book or his dvd at your local library)
   
2. After swaddling, turn baby onto his/her Side/Stomach as you hold him/her. I've seen babies that consider leaning even a fraction of an inch to their back a "very bad thing" and remain inconsolable. But when tilted toward their stomach, they calm right down. Why? I'm not sure, but it seems to work, so I go with what Dr. Karp says on this one.
3. Swinging comes next. They don't call them "Bouncing Babies" for nothing. You can either bounce your baby from side to side or do what I do. I sit down and put my baby on my legs (head by my knees) and rock my knees back and forth. It takes minimal effort and can be done even when you're bleary eyed at 2 a.m.
   
4. If swaddling, side/stomach and swinging aren't enough to calm your baby, try giving them something to Suck on. Sucking naturally calms a baby, and when combined with the first three S's, it REALLY calms them down.
5. The final S is Shushing. Dr. Karp says to shush as loud as the baby is crying. In his book he says that babies are used to a constant white noise that is at about the same level in volume as a vacuum cleaner. Other ways to provide this white noise could include turning a radio to static, or getting a hair dryer, turning it on the low setting and leaving it about 3-6 feet from baby. Or, you can always turn on a vacuum in the same room as baby. All of these can help with making your baby feel "at home" again.

Some babies only need one or two of these S's, and some need them all. Some, when they're really upset, need them all in a very big way. My newest baby, N, is one of those babies. I'm glad to say that once I figured out how to trigger his calming reflex, we were so much happier together. :) I can even get more sleep at night. Instead of an hour at a time at most, I'm now getting 2-4 hours at a time. YAY!

I've also found that N gets overstimulated fairly quickly. If I pay close enough attention, I can catch it before he gets to his "inconsolable" stage where he needs all 5 S's. If I do catch it, just swaddling and sucking (sometimes swaying) are all he needs.

Good luck to all you new mommies out there! Hope this helps you as much as it has helped me!

Colicky Babies

Disclaimer: Sorry if this post seems a little jumbled. My head is that way for reasons explained in the post. :)

It seems a little crazy to me that something so cute and sweet as this:
could make you experience so many conflicting emotions. Joy, love, and awe are accompanied by frustration and sometimes depression.

Baby N has been here for a month now. I can't believe that it's already been a month, but on the other hand, I can't believe it's only been a month. It seems like he's been with our family for much, much longer. In that "postpartum" month, I've experienced all of the emotions listed above among several others. I've probably cried more in desperation with Baby N than I did for J when I had him. Why? Because Baby N has colic. 'Nuff said.

Ok, maybe not 'nuff said. He started out like pretty much any other cute little newborn baby. About 2 weeks after his birth, he started getting MUCH more fussy. Kids tend to do that anyway. But this wasn't the "normal" fussy. This didn't end with the soothing mommy or daddy gave. It kept going on and on.

Along with the fussiness, you could hear, actually hear BIG gas bubbles rumbling around in his poor little tummy, but no amount of us trying to burp him helped. Not even Mylecon (or however you spell that) drops worked very well for him. I know there's a direct correlation between the food you eat and how gassy you and your baby are (if you're nursing) and I try to avoid gassy foods at all costs.

As you would rightfully assume, having a very gassy/colicky baby leads to little or no sleep for mommy and daddy. That's what we've had here for about 2 and a half weeks. We've gone to the doctor and she suggested that since I was lactose intolerant during pregnancy (not before...just during) that he might be not only lactose intolerant, but dairy intolerant. She suggested taking dairy out of my diet entirely for 3-5 days, then to slowly introduce it back in. She said to start with yogurt first as it's the mildest form of dairy.

I also heard that there are pediatric chiropractors out there who have colic treatments/adjustments. Who knew?! I did a Google search to find one in my area and took Baby N to see her.

We've been off dairy for a week. I decided to give it 7 days instead of just 3-5. And we've also had 3 visits to the chiropractor. The adjustments have helped a bit. I haven't noticed much difference in fussiness with yogurt being introduced back into my diet.

So now, I have a couple questions for you:

1. What are some other things you know of that help with colicky, gassy babies?
2. What's the difference between postpartum depression and baby blues? (As you might imagine, with little to no sleep, I'm getting to be a little down. I know there's a direct relation to the amount of sleep I get and how down I feel. I'd still like to know what you think is the difference between the two, if there's any difference at all.)
   

Obese babies?

I saw this article on msn.com yesterday:

Chubby babies 'obese' as early as 9 months, study says

The path to obesity may begin much earlier than anyone thought, according to a new study that found about a third of U.S. babies were too fat.

In a long-term study of more than 7,500 infants across the country, nearly 32 percent of babies were deemed overweight or even obese at 9 months. By the time the children were 2 years old, that number had nudged up to more than 34 percent.

“It definitely raised eyebrows when we saw how early it was showing up," said Brian Moss, an adjunct professor at Wayne State University and author of new research in the American Journal of Health Promotion.

Experts say the best way to treat chubby babies is to monitor their diets for quality and quantity — particularly portion size.

“It can take just a few tweaks to a baby’s diet to make a difference,” said Dr. Wendy Slusser, an associate clinical professor and medical director of the Fit for Healthy Weight Program at the Matell Children’s Hospital at the University of California, Los Angeles.

“It’s probably only about 150 calories a day difference that we’re talking about.”

Good news? Kids' weight goes down, too While experts were distressed to see that babies that young were already significantly overweight, they did see a hopeful message in the new study’s details. Some of the chunkiest 9-month-olds had shed their excess pounds by the time they were 2. During the same time frame, however, some of the normal-weight infants had gained too much weight.

“It means that in that age group weight is a lot more fluid than it is in an obese 14-year-old,” said Dr. Goutham Rao, clinical director of the Weight Management and Wellness Center at the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center.

“And that means that these children are not necessarily condemned to be obese,” added Rao, who was not affliated with the new study.

Still, Rao and others warned that parents of the heaviest babies should take heed and make changes as soon as possible. Parents need to figure out what it is about their baby’s diet that is causing weight gain, he said.

“Every child that has a healthy diet will get to a healthy weight,” Rao said.

The children in the new study were all born in 2001. Weight and height (length in the case of the infants) were measured at 9 months and at 2 years. Then the researchers compared the measurements for the babies in the study to standard growth charts developed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Those charts were based on measurements gathered between 1963 and 1994.

Kids who were above the 85th percentile for weight compared with height were considered overweight. Children who were above the 95th percentile were considered obese, according to the researchers' definition.

Surprisingly, high birth weight wasn't a reliable indicator of whether a baby would be overweight or obese, experts said. Some big babies thin out quickly, while some babies born small become heavy, sometimes because parents overcompensate with food.

Most concerning in the current study was that 32 percent of the kids born in 2001 fell into the overweight range, more than double the 15 percent of children whose measurements were used to construct the charts.

“This could be a red flag telling us that we need to be aware and to be focusing on healthy eating habits early on,” said Slusser, the UCLA expert.

Stay away from sweet food, drink The best way to get an infant or toddler’s weight under control is to go back to basics, Rao said. That means staying away from sweet drinks, including fruit juices, and high-fat, high-sugar foods.

“You would be surprised at some of the foods and drinks kids are given,” Rao said. “You see a lot of very young children eating French fries, because that’s what their parents are eating. Sometimes you’ll even see parents putting regular soda into a baby’s bottle.”

Breast-feeding is the healthiest choice, if possible, Slusser said. And when it’s time to introduce solid foods, lean heavily on pureed vegetables and fruits.

One more bit of advice from Rao: Pay close attention to portion sizes.

“Parents often don’t realize that children’s portions are far smaller than those of adults,” he said. “The rule of thumb at our center is that your portion of any sort of food should be no bigger than your fist. For a 1-year-old, that’s pretty tiny.”

(http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40856449/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/)

Now, since this blog is a place to share our thoughts, feelings, opinions, and ideas, I want to say that overall, I think this study is somewhat ridiculous.  I think this for several reasons:

1.   Babies. have. fat. on. their. bodies. 

2.  The study makes the statement  "Some of the chunkiest 9-month-olds had shed their excess pounds by the time they were 2"; I had to think, "Really?  Funny how a BABY that isn't super mobile would lose wait once they start walking and running!" 

3. Isn't most of the information in this article common sense?  Now, I know there ARE parents out there that put soda into a baby's bottle (seriously?), but I do not think that that is the majority of responsible, caring parents.

I suppose I feel so strongly about this topic because, going by this study, my son would have been considered overweight, possibly even obese.  And he has NEVER been either of those.  You can't determine a child's overall health purely by the numbers on the scale and on the measuring chart.  You just can't.  There are so many variables that determine a healthy body.  My son was 9 lbs. 14 oz. when he was born.  Definitely considered a "big baby."  I had a hard time nursing (due to him having severe reflux and me having low milk-supply) and by the time he was one month old, he weighed 10 pounds.  Babies are supposed to regain their birth weight by the time they are 2 weeks old (if not sooner).  B took 'til he was 4 weeks old.  He was looking too skinny and he was hungry.  When I told this to his doctors and the lactation consultants, they would brush me off and say, "He's a big boy!"  Yeah, but he wasn't getting bigger.  Even "big babies" need to eat!  

Just recently, among a myriad of problems, B had lost weight; 3 pounds in one week.  B is in the 95th percentile for weight, 93rd percentile for height; so a big kid.  But he was LOSING WEIGHT, and not because he was getting taller and thinning out from that.  Our pediatrician assumed he was doing fine because of the percentiles he was in; B's GI doctor was concerned that he was losing weight.  I'm not saying I don't love our pediatrician, but in this case, he was wrong to not look past the numbers.

I do agree that it's our job as parents to monitor what goes in our kid's mouths.  Of course they shouldn't eat french fries and soda for every meal.  But really, please don't go telling us that our 9 month old BABIES are overweight, just because of the numbers.  Look at their overall health.

Alright, I'm off my soapbox.  

What are your thoughts on this topic?

Taking Advice. Even from family members.

With the holidays in full swing, we are bound to spend a few hours, if not a few days, with our friends and family members.

An interesting thing can occur if you spend enough time in the same room as people with children: everyone starts comparing notes. You don't know when to wean your child from a binky? You ask when everyone else did. Soon you will be overwhelmed with advice, not only on the binky matter, but on everything else as well. We've all learned things, we all have our opinions, we all know what works the best for our children. So naturally, we want to share it all. Isn't that what we do here?

But with the flood of advice and warnings and well wishing scoldings, you may be confused by what advice to follow. Surprised that so many people can think so differently about one subject. Embarrassed that no one thinks your way is a "good" way.

My advice to you? Just smile and nod. Sometimes, without meaning to, friends and even family, can make us feel bad about the way we parent.

Don't.

You love your child, you do your best, and that is all anyone can ask for. You know your child better than anyone, so if someone gives you advice you know won't work, just smile and nod. Say thanks. Add your two cents. Go home and feel good about the fact that even though we all parent differently, we can still get along nicely.

On the flipside of the coin, if someone asks for your opinion, give it to them but don't force it on them. Your idea is a good idea, but is it the best for someone else's child? Maybe, maybe not. Let the parent decide.

By the off chance that someone decides to attack you (I've heard mother-in-law horror stories but, thank goodness, have never had to deal with that!), don't get angry. That's the worst thing you can do because one tends to lose their logic when they are angry. Stay calm, breathe, tell the person whatever you want about why you do things the way you do. If they persist or you can't remember the reasons, just tell them that you appreciate their advice (even though you really just want to kick them in the shin), but you are doing what is best for you child. And then move on. Get up, walk away and leave them there. If you can't walk away, strike up a conversation with someone else immediately.

Anyone else have advice on how to deal with advice? :)

Potty Training

This can be one of the most rewarding and exciting things you'll do with your child...at least up until this point in life. :) It can also be one of the most frustrating and disgusting jobs you'll ever do.

We've been potty training J for awhile now. We started in late September in the hopes that we'd have things mostly mastered by Christmas time which is when N will make his appearance. (There's just something about having only 1 child in diapers that is very appealing to me.)

Like every child that goes through this process, J has had his very good days and his very bad days. Today, for instance, he woke up dry. He said he didn't need to potty yet, and wanted to eat first. Lately he's been pretty in tune with those things, so I sat him down and let him eat his breakfast. He finished and got down to play. I had left him in his night time diaper just to make sure I wouldn't be cleaning up a morning woopsie.

As he was playing, he jumped right up and yelled, "Mommy! Potty toilet!!!" and then ran for all he was worth into the bathroom. My mommy heart swelled with pride. :) I was so happy that he's finally getting it!

He went back to playing and after a little while, he repeated the process, except this time his words were slightly different. Instead of a potty run, we were making a poop run. YAY again! But no matter how hard he'd try, he just couldn't (or wouldn't) make it come out.

Again, that was ok. At least he's trying to listen to his body now. We went through this at least 5 times in about 10 minutes, each time with no results. Then, his warning got a little more urgent and finally we had success. He told me he didn't want to wear a diaper, but he wanted to wear big boy underwear. Fine. (Keep in mind we're recovering from a GI virus.)

He went back to playing and then almost cried when he said, "Poop toilet!" as he had stuff running down his legs. I probably could have (and should have) been smarter about that, but I also wanted to encourage him to feel like he's doing something awesome and important. I want him to feel like he IS a big boy.

I know a family (and I'm not going to name any names) that went through the potty training of their 2nd boy as if it were boot camp. They'd make their little one sit on the toilet until he went...come crying or constipation...or both. Granted, he did have some major issues with constipation and it was hard to get him to go, but one parent would even resort to yelling to try to entice the poor little guy to go. It didn't help much as you might imagine.

Because of having seen that, and because my little guy has such a sensitive spirit, I knew I couldn't ever go about things that way for our family. What we've chosen to do instead is more like bribery. :) I'm not ashamed to admit it or even do it that way.

Every time J goes potty, he gets a piece of candy (Halloween candy worked wonders in this department as we would hardly give him any candy unless he went potty). Going poop was a totally different ball game. Candy didn't really work for him in that department. But giving him really cheap toy cars did/does. Every time he goes poop, he gets a new car. He LOVES his cars and lately has found a new way to get more of them.

We started out with setting the timer for 40 minutes or so and when the timer would go off, we'd go sit on the potty. It got to be kind of humorous for awhile because any time any dinger or buzzer would go off, J would jump up and yell, "Potty!" and run to the bathroom. Now he's starting to tell us when he has to go.

This is a way that has worked for us. It might not work for every parent or child and that's ok. There are several ways to go about potty training. It was suggested to us to let J wear the underwear underneath his diaper so he felt the wet a little more. That didn't work, but did make for a lot more laundry.

Though I'm no expert in this area by any means, my suggestion is to find a way that works best for your family (and especially for your child) and go with that. Be consistent and understanding. It is training after all and will take some time. :)

I'm looking forward to the time when we're only in diapers at night. And then to the time when we're completely out of diapers. That will be nice. :) And I'm sure those times are right around the corner.

When my baby is sick...

Yay, the holidays are here. Snow is on it's way. Soon we'll all be joining hands around a giant Christmas tree singing,

Fah who For-aze
Dah who dor-aze
Welcome Christmas
Come this way!

Oh, wait, I guess that's the Who's in Whoville. Anyway.

Let's face it folks, it's flu season. And cold season. And pneumonia season. And RSV season. And G.I. virus season. And (insert illness here) season. So many of my friends, family, and fellow mothers are home sick with their little ones.

One of our mommies asked for advice on what we like to do when our babies are sick, but I think so many of us were home sick with our babies that we didn't have time to respond.

I've been thinking about it, and here are just a few areas I have some ideas. More are appreciated.

COUGH/COLD

When I had my first child (and by "had" I mean adopted), I was pretty sure I had this mothering thing down. I knew why my baby was crying and how to fix it. I knew much to feed him. I knew that he needed his nose suctioned every morning and his fingernails clipped every three days. I knew that he sneezed a lot in the sunlight, and that he didn't love his swing. Yet. I knew how many times he pooped a day and how many ounces of formula he guzzled.

But when he got a cough at 4 months old, I felt like I needed to call this kid's mommy and have her pick him up. And then I remembered, "Oh wait. I am the mommy." I didn't really know what to do. My son didn't have a fever, but he had terrible green mucus and a cough that didn't sound wet, just uncomfortable.

I didn't want to call the doctor's office every ten minutes, so I watched S for a day and made sure I had all his symptoms. Then I called. I talked to the nurse and she told me a few good tips.

With babies that young, they can't have medicine. She told me to ease his discomfort and coughing, I could give him an ounce for every month old he was of warm apple juice. So, since he was 4 months old, he could have up to 4 oz of warm apple juice per day. (I actually watered it down, but I think it worked just the same.)

Also, I got baby Vick's vapor rub and rubbed it on his chest and feet. Yes, the soles of his feet. You may think it's silly, but it really does work. And besides, it's homeopathic, so why not give it a try? It also eases their discomfort from coughing and helps them sleep better. I loved that stuff and grew to associate it's smell with the smell of my baby. It says it's safe for babies 6 months and older, but the doc said I could use it on S.

You can use a humidifier to help baby breath at night. Get friendly with your child's nasal aspirator and keep one in every room of your house. If your child is older, sometimes propping them up helps them sleep better at night. Our son was always propped because the nurses at the hospital told us it would help with his acid reflux. However, you still have to be very careful with newborns and extra blankets or pillows. SIDS is always a risk.

Also, there is this cool thing called saline mist that you can spray into your baby's nose. It helps with breathing, and I found it also loosened up the dry gunk and made it easier for me to suction out.

RSV

A few months later, my son's cold returned, but this time it was different. His eyes were watery, as seen in the picture below.

His nose was constantly running, and his cough was wet. He was tired all the time and not really playful. Still happy, just lethargic. I called my sister-in-law that day to ask her about her son who was a year old and had just been diagnosed with RSV.

"I think that's what S has," I told her. The next day I took my son in to the doctor. He checked him out, listened to his lungs and his cough. Sure enough, my little guy had RSV. My sister-in-law said she had never seen a mother so in tune to her baby. That made me feel pretty good, but I told her it wasn't because I'm special, it was because I'd kept S indoors for the first 3 months of his life trying to avoid getting RSV.

There was a few things more we could do for him than with a common cold. We bought a nebulizer and gave him prescription breathing treatments every few hours.

It wasn't exactly fun or comfortable, but we did what we had to. We also made sure my husband and I did not spread the virus. S stayed home so as not to share the wealth. We washed our hands and clothes regularly, and we made sure S was as comfortable and happy as possible.

Why am I going through the trouble of this rather lengthy and possibly not all that interesting post?

Because. The only reason I knew to look for the symptoms of RSV were because someone had told me about them. RSV itself is not fatal, but it can weaken the immune system, making way for things like pneumonia, which can be fatal. So just be careful.

I also wish that I had been given some ideas on what to do when my baby is really sick. Now you know for a cough you can use apple juice and Vick's to the soles. Also, make sure your baby/child is hydrated. They may not feel like eating, but they've got to drink.

STOMACH FLU/ILLNESS

Our mommy Nicole just posted on her personal blog that her son J is having GI problems. He's been puking and...other fun activities, so his pediatrician recommended he eat bananas and yogurt. I don't know anything about this topic, so ideas are welcome.

RASH

A few weeks ago my son got a mystery rash. It was so strange and bizarre and I hated it. I was frightened. I called my mother, who didn't answer. I called my neighbor who is an ER nurse, and she wasn't home. I called my brother-in-law who is a Pharmacist. He asked me all the questions I expected. Did he have a fever? Was he introduced to any new foods? Did we recently change his laundry detergent? Was he itchy and scratching? Did he have any other symptoms?

The answer to all of these questions was no. My brother-in-law's advice to me was not to treat the symptom if it wasn't there. Benedryl would have been my first go-to drug, but I didn't have any. However, S wasn't itchy. He wasn't scratching. He wasn't miserable. The only reason I even knew he had a rash was because I happened to see it while changing his diaper.

So I watched him like a hawk, afraid that if I even picked him up I might irritate his rash. After a day, it went away. I never used Benedryl. Would S have died if I did? No. But I knew that it would have been for my own peace of mind instead of the well being of my child.

That being said, if I had said yes to any of those questions, I may have, honestly, taken S right to the doctor or the ER. I'm not even kidding. Especially with the food allergy. If he had been cranky or scratching, I would have pumped him so full of Benedryl that rash wouldn't have known what was coming!

Bottom line: rashes are scary. Don't freak out. Ask yourself a bunch of questions, watch your baby and his/her behavior, and then react.

You are the mom. You know best.

TEETHING

My son is now old enough to be getting some molars. Yippee. We took him to the dentist two weeks ago, and he actually recommended using a frozen Gogurt to help with teething pains. It's cold, it's edible. It's small enough for him to fit in the back of his mouth.

It was brilliant. I tried it on S and it was great. Messy, but great.

When it comes to cutting teeth, I don't skimp on the pain meds if my child is in need. If he's awake and happy and playing, I don't bother because he's plenty distracted. But when he starts to tug on his ears and hit his face or head, I break out the Tylenol. Or if he's going to bed. I don't want him sleeping terribly because he's in pain all night.
A bib also helps with the little ones. That way their shirts aren't covered in drool. :)

I noticed that my son's chin gets red and irritated when he is teething because the drool drips down his chin and just kind of hangs out there. I try to keep a rag around to dab off the drool and keep his chin from chapping.

FEVER

This section will be relatively blank. You see, my son does not get a fever. Hardly ever. Even when he had RSV he had a very low grade fever. Does that mean he doesn't get sick? No. In fact, he just expresses it in different ways. For example. About a week before the rash incident, all of a sudden my baby had really red cheeks. They stayed red for hours. He seemed a little down, a little more tired. No cough,  not really a runny nose. But I knew that this was his body's way of telling me he was sick. I gave him Tylenol, lots of liquids, lots of rest, etc. After a few hours he felt better.

What I know of fevers is that it's usually not the fever that is the problem (unless it's really high, and then you've got a serious problem!). The fever is just a symptom of something else going on. It could be a simple bug going around or even teething. Or it could be something bigger. You know your child, so don't be afraid to call your pediatrician and tell him your child's symptoms if you are really concerned.

--

So, as you can see, in my limited experience, I have found a lot of things help for me. I'll ask you to share what helps you take care of your little guy or girl when they are under the weather, and if you aren't too busy mopping up puke or dosing out cough medicine, I'd love to hear.

One last thing. Mother's instinct is sometimes confused with panicking, but it's like I said before. YOU know your child, and if the doctor/nurse/etc won't listen to you, and you are sure there is something very wrong with your baby, you leave and find a doctor who is willing to listen to you and not brush aside your God given talent of mothering.

Sick with the Flu

Being sick is never fun. Having sick kids is almost worse because not only does it tug at your heart strings, but if they're young, there's not much you can give them (medicine wise) to comfort them and help with their symptoms.

This last weekend, we had a little boy who was sick with the flu. He threw up BIG time three times during the day. Each one was on me. He'd come up and want to be held and then just toss his cookies all over the place. That night he kept throwing up every few hours, but it would mostly be Sprite and crackers that we had given him. I just felt so helpless, but I knew it was only the flu and that it wasn't really terribly bad. It just seemed worse because he was barfing on me.

What are some things that you moms out there do for your kids when they're not feeling their best?

Feeling Overlooked

My husband and I are both middle children. We've both had to do our fair share of vying for parental (and sometimes sibling) attention. There have been times when we've felt a little overlooked, which can sometimes be the case in a family with so many children.

BUT, vying for attention is not something I want my kids to ever feel like they have to do. And, I don't ever want them to feel neglected or unloved or like we're playing favorites.

How do you moms of multiple children ensure that all of your children feel loved and like you're paying attention to them? I've been wondering about this a lot lately, because it will soon (within the next month and a half) be more of a worry for me. I'm due to have our second son in about 49-ish days. When our little guy shows up, I want our older son to still feel as loved as he has been. I don't want him to feel excluded, overlooked or ignored.

So, if you would, please share things that you have done that help with this situation.

Keeping Secrets

There are several secrets that have been deemed "worthy" to keep from your kids, such as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I grew up having the truth about these "people" kept from me and I was blissfully happy (and ignorant...and naive).

I still remember the day my parents took me into their bedroom to tell me "the truth", though I don't remember how old I was. I wasn't devastated, but I WAS disappointed. It took just a little bit of the magic away from my absolute favorite holiday (Christmas). After they told me, they asked me to keep it a secret from my 2 younger siblings so I didn't ruin their fun. I immediately went out to play with the rest of my family and almost let it slip. What can I say? I was VERY disappointed!

Although I plan to keep my kids as in the dark as I was during my younger years, I've thought about this off and on for awhile now and wonder...How old is too old to believe in these characters?

I have quite awhile before I even have to consider "telling" my oldest the truth about any of this, but since Christmas is just around the corner, which means that we're gearing up to play Santa, I thought I'd ask all you pros out there. When did you tell your kids "the truth"? How did you do it so you could still keep the magical secret alive for your younger kids? And, of course, how old do you think is too old for them to still believe?

Good cop vs. Bad cop

No matter how badly I wish I was "Good cop", I'm just not. I spend all of my time with 2 little boys, J is 3 and B is 7 months.

Recently I have been given the actual title of "Bad Cop" with my disciplines on the boys.

For example...during conference little J wanted to play his Mickey Mouse on the computer. I told him that "No, we are watching conference, this is church today." He ran to Mr. A for help and this is what I heard "Sorry dude, mom said no, she wants to watch conference". Bad Cop title inserted here.

Example number 2: Mom is watching "The Biggest Loser" (a fave for me), and little J wants to  play his wii game. I explain that he already had his game time earlier and that it's mommy's turn to watch something. He again runs to daddy for help, to which I hear "Sorry man, mom said no. She wants to watch her own show." Insert Bad Cop title here.

Example number 3: I have tried implementing the Scripture stories at bedtime, because little J doesn't do so well sitting and listening to us read (us, what was I thinking? It's just me.) I try to wrangle little J and Mr A to come and listen and I get another plee for help towards dad. I then again hear "Sorry, mom says we have to listen." Insert Bad Cop title here.

Why is it that Mr A seems to 'blame' mom for things instead of saying "WE read at night as a family." or "Mom worked hard taking care of you all day, it's her turn with the TV, we need to share." or "WE watch conference as a family, to listen to the prophet."

Is there some way to get a unified front? I mentioned this last night, after days of frustration of being 'blamed' for everything. I think sometimes it's easier for the Good Cop to 'blame', even if they don't realize they are blaming, because they are gone all day, don't have to deal with the discipline during the day, the cleaning, the frustration of toys everywhere, the feeding, the napping, the wiping of snotty noses...and when Good cop gets home, all they want to do is play and relax...

Let's just say this post is a vent, but still, does this happen to anyone else? or is Mr A the only one that seems to take upon himself the role of Good Cop Blame Game?

Master of Distractions

I'm sure you're all VERY aware that part of being a mom is coming up with distractions for your children. Creative moms can even make it seem like their kids came up with the alternate activity, therefore making it all the more appealing to them. I haven't quite reached that status yet, but I'm learning how to keep a stash of alternate activities (even just a mental list) because I work from home and have to care for my 2 year old at the same time.

My list of "distractions" includes:

• Starfall.com
• drawing/coloring
• reading his favorite books
• toys
• letter/number magnets
• eating a snack

What are some distractions that work for you?