With the holidays in full swing, we are bound to spend a few hours, if not a few days, with our friends and family members.
An interesting thing can occur if you spend enough time in the same room as people with children: everyone starts comparing notes. You don't know when to wean your child from a binky? You ask when everyone else did. Soon you will be overwhelmed with advice, not only on the binky matter, but on everything else as well. We've all learned things, we all have our opinions, we all know what works the best for our children. So naturally, we want to share it all. Isn't that what we do here?
But with the flood of advice and warnings and well wishing scoldings, you may be confused by what advice to follow. Surprised that so many people can think so differently about one subject. Embarrassed that no one thinks your way is a "good" way.
My advice to you? Just smile and nod. Sometimes, without meaning to, friends and even family, can make us feel bad about the way we parent.
Don't.
You love your child, you do your best, and that is all anyone can ask for. You know your child better than anyone, so if someone gives you advice you know won't work, just smile and nod. Say thanks. Add your two cents. Go home and feel good about the fact that even though we all parent differently, we can still get along nicely.
On the flipside of the coin, if someone asks for your opinion, give it to them but don't force it on them. Your idea is a good idea, but is it the best for someone else's child? Maybe, maybe not. Let the parent decide.
By the off chance that someone decides to attack you (I've heard mother-in-law horror stories but, thank goodness, have never had to deal with that!), don't get angry. That's the worst thing you can do because one tends to lose their logic when they are angry. Stay calm, breathe, tell the person whatever you want about why you do things the way you do. If they persist or you can't remember the reasons, just tell them that you appreciate their advice (even though you really just want to kick them in the shin), but you are doing what is best for you child. And then move on. Get up, walk away and leave them there. If you can't walk away, strike up a conversation with someone else immediately.
Anyone else have advice on how to deal with advice? :)
2 comments:
My ex mother in law was like that...always giving unwanted/unneeded advice. She knew we had VERY different parenting skills and just simply would not accept that hers were not always correct. I smiled and nodded as long as I could. I finally started doing it back to her. I would advise her on how to run her household, how to make her foods, how to dress, how to clean a certain spot of a couch.
She apparently didn't like getting a taste of her own medicine and backed off. I never got angry or condesending...I simply got told her advise I knew she didnt' want or ask for or need over and over and over again.
Probably wouldn't work for everyone and my relationship with her was rifted anyway...but thats what I did.
Other then that, I agree with you. People are just trying to be helpful, smile and say thanks. :)
A sister of mine has a monster-in-law who she can never please. Everything is always her fault and advice is always given condescendingly. I've not had to deal with that (and I'm glad), but I have had to deal with unsolicited advice from several people. I, too, take the smile and nod approach and file away their suggestions for later in life, because as we all know, life changes and we change with it. Maybe there's a nugget of gold somewhere in what they suggested that might work for me in a situation in the future.
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