My husband and I are both middle children. We've both had to do our fair share of vying for parental (and sometimes sibling) attention. There have been times when we've felt a little overlooked, which can sometimes be the case in a family with so many children.
BUT, vying for attention is not something I want my kids to ever feel like they have to do. And, I don't ever want them to feel neglected or unloved or like we're playing favorites.
How do you moms of multiple children ensure that all of your children feel loved and like you're paying attention to them? I've been wondering about this a lot lately, because it will soon (within the next month and a half) be more of a worry for me. I'm due to have our second son in about 49-ish days. When our little guy shows up, I want our older son to still feel as loved as he has been. I don't want him to feel excluded, overlooked or ignored.
So, if you would, please share things that you have done that help with this situation.
4 comments:
I know nothing about raising multiple children, but what I have seen is that parents make a big deal out of the oldest's new role as a sibling. Make sure J gets lots of praise for being a great older brother, let him "help" when he can, and let him fall in love with N. But on the other hand, just as we don't stop being an individual when we become mothers, J doesn't stop being just J when N is born. So make sure he gets one on one time with both parents. If there is something he loves to do now (like read books with dad or watch Wiggles with mom), make sure he still gets to do those things so that he knows not everything changes when a sibling is born.
That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth (probably not a whole two cents.)
I'm also a middle child. I relate to the growing up feeling "too young for the older kids, too big for the younger girls"...but with my 2 boys (3 1/2 and 8 months), we made sure to always include the older in what we were doing with the baby. My husband also would take our older boy with him to the hardware store, or we'd buy him something special for being a good big brother.
I'm not sure if I have quiet the same issue since all three of my girls are the same age....but I try to make sure they all have time to talk to me. While I am making dinner or folding laundry I will ask each child to come talk to me individually. I'll ask them about their day, see if they have any questions or concerns currently in their lives. I'm hoping if they know they can talk to me at 6...they can talk to me at 16.
Also we make it a habit that each child take turns...its BR's turn to say prayers, its BA's turn to pick the movie, Its J's turn to find the story.
As for the age gaps. I agree with Deborah and Mindi. Make a big deal out of the older children helping out the parents with the younger child.
I"m the oldest and it helped me not feel overlooked or pushed aside when the younger ones came along.
Spend time with each of them one-on-one. Same thing goes for your husband. If you give them that quality one-on-one time, it will definitely help and you will be surprised how just that 30 minute date with your child/week will bring you closer together.
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